The Truth About Marriage

So, I think we all have this idea in our head about what marriage will look like and how happy and fun and lovey dovey it will be, but the truth be told....it's a crock. Marriage is not all butterflies and daisies and sunshine; it is messy and imperfect and takes true dedication and hard work all the time.

The Truth Is Marriage Means Being Selfless

From the moment you say, "I Do" you are agreeing that you will never be the center of your universe again, you will always have another person to consider. It means saying no to yourself sometimes and saying yes to your spouse and doing things you may not always want to do. It means giving 100% of yourself to someone else 100% of the time.

The Truth Is Marriage (in its own way) Is Much Like Parenthood

Like parenthood, there are no days off in a marriage, you don't get to take vacation or sick days, you don't get to walk away for a bit and come back when you feel like because it is a commitment and although the relationship is with another adult and not a child they still need you. I need my husband, I lean on him for support, understanding, help, guidance, protection, advice and so many other things. Like parenting, marriage can be rough sometimes and there might be times of anger or frustration but the love for each other never subsides and the need for one another does not waiver.

The Truth Is Marriage Is All About Compromise

In marriage compromise needs to be key in your relationship. No one agrees 100% of the time so it is vital that compromise is something practiced frequently and graciously. I'm not saying we should always fold for your spouse and do whatever they want all the time, but I am saying we need to meet them half way. Try, for their sake and yours, to understand where they are coming from and what their needs are then access your needs and try to find somewhere to meet in the middle. The sooner you learn how to do this the better. Compromise at first is usually over small and insignificant things like what movie to go see or what to have for dinner but eventually these compromises become bigger and many times more significant like moving to another state for a job, parenting decisions, among others and it is so important to take your spouses feelings into consideration and find a solution that works best for as a family, not an individual because the day you said "I do" is the day that you became "us" and me became "we".

The Truth Is Marriage Is Always, Always, Always A Work In Progress

As hard as it is to admit and accept my marriage will never be perfect, it will always be flawed because there is no way that two flawed people could have a flawless marriage, but it doesn't mean we shouldn't strive for the impossible and work hard and work together to have a great marriage. It's important for me to remind myself of this because I feel like it can be so easy to fall into complacency and become comfortable with where are marriage is and I don't want that, I want a phenomenal marriage that is filled with love and happiness, but most of all with Jesus. Which brings me to my last point.

The Truth Is Marriage Is Sacrificial

This is the most important truth I could ever tell anyone because as a believer our marriage should be a reflection of Christ and His relationship with His bridegroom, the church and His ultimate sacrifice that He made for us on the cross. Christ is our perfect example and His sacrifice was so great that He bled and died for us but not before He took upon Himself the weight of the sins of the world. If Christ did that for us then why wouldn't we show that same kind of sacrificial love to our spouse with whom we have chosen to intertwine ourselves with for life. I think that to have a good marriage, to have a Biblical marriage we must above all show our spouse sacrificial love, constantly placing their needs above yours.

The Truth Is Marriage Is Hard But Beautiful And Has The Ability To Be So Wonderful. 

What I Wish People Knew About Depression

• I wish people knew that depression is something that goes on beneath the surface.... ever heard of the expression, "fake it til you make it"? Many times that is what people who struggle with depression do because who wants to be around Debbie the Downer....or hear about how you struggle every morning just to get out of bed. It's just no fun and we know that.
• I wish people knew that depression is a day by day, moment by moment  disorder. Some days I genuinely feel okay. Happy and lighthearted and ready to interact and spend time with others...but the next day I can feel like the only place I want to be is in bed and I just don't want to be around anyone.
• I wish people knew that depression isn't always caused by some particular event or issue....sometimes depression just hits because our hormones are off, or (in my most recent case) it's a side effect of a new medication. It's hard to explain to people "why" you're depressed when you feel like you are blessed in your life and you don't even know why you're depressed. I guess, sometimes its just how it is and there's no explaining or understanding it.
• I wish people knew that depression isn't something you just "get over".... Yes, I'm depressed and I work hard to try to show up to things and put on a brave face, but it isn't something that can just be "fixed" or that you "push through". Trust me, I don't want to be depressed anymore than you want to deal with me being depressed. It's no fun for anyone.
• I wish people knew I wasn't really a flake.... I'm sorry.... I know I must come off as such a flake because I try to plan things and I try to be sociable as best I can but sometimes I cancel things, or I try but have to cancel for whatever reason.... sometimes I miss church for a couple weeks and it's because I just get in this place where I don't want to leave home and I just don't want to face people.
• I wish people knew that a gentle push isn't always needed. While sometimes a gentle push can be helpful and needed, it can sometimes make things even worse, especially when they are clinically depressed, or it's brought on by hormone imbalance and not a stressor (job loss, death in the family or someone close to you, etc).
• I wish people knew the best thing they can do is give a hug, be praying, and meet them in their comfort zone... for some, well for me, my comfort zone is home....it won't be forever but sometimes I just feel most comfortable in my house. At times it's not that I don't want to see you or spend time with you....it's just I'm literally a hermit.
• I wish people knew that I'm doing the best I can... sometimes I fail and I'm a hermit and just can't handle the gentle push...But I'm trying.

Love, Faith, and Grace: Learning to Balance It All

The other day I started thinking about relationships that I have have been blessed to have over the 28 years I have been alive. The relationships that have come, have gone, and have blossomed into life-long friends. It made me think about how change is inevitable but it doesn't have to make or break our friendships. That if we can master the art of extending and giving grace to others, we can remain peaceful in the face of adversity and change.

Finding the balance between faith and love has been such a hard road for me and I have to admit there have been times I have failed miserably at showing others the grace they deserve, and if  you know me personally and I have ever failed to give you grace I want to say I am sorry, and I pray that you will forgive me and I pray that the Lord would continue to lead me in grace and mercy.

For so long I have been so one sided and so focused on being right that I forgot that the Lord wants more than that, He wants us to be out in the world showing others true love, the love that comes only from Him, the love that completely encompasses others and just immerses those we come into contact with, for so long I have been concerned more with the "I'm right and what you're doing is wrong" aspect and I should have been more focused on, "we are all imperfect but we are all deserving of love" aspect.

Then I entered the "love is the most important thing above all and we shouldn't worry about the rest. Just love and accept everyone" phase. During that time I felt gay marriage was okay and was just overall more accepting and open about it and possibly would have even advocated for it. I may not have struggled with homosexuality myself but I kind of had the stance of approval and almost the "what happens in your home behind closed door is none of my business. So if you love a man, then great, if you love a woman, that's fine too. But what I’ve found is that there can be balance. I can stand firm on what the Word has to say on such issues while still loving that person and accepting them for who they are not what they do. We can disagree with someone’s actions but still deeply love and care for that person. 

I'm not saying I have it perfect now but I think I have found a place where I can balance my faith, and love and do it somewhat gracefully, well that's my hope anyways. I still get it wrong sometimes and sometimes my pride and ego get the better of me, but I feel like I can love people who are different from me whether it be in their sexuality, religion, or any other area in life while still honoring and adhering to my beliefs and hopefully do it with grace (only by His grace).

I feel like sometimes finding God's grace and balancing faith with loving others means agreeing to disagree, knowing what subjects are worthy of putting up a fight and which aren't, but ultimately always searching His Word and knowing where the Lord stands on the issue. It kind of reminds me of the  whole "WWJD" movement/franchise and although I know it is SOO dated it also evokes us to really think about what the Lord would do, or have us do in certain situations.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that we can love others without jeopardizing our faith if we ask God to bestow His grace upon us and in turn bestow that same grace unto others.

Luke 6:35-36 says,

"But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful."

Romans 12:9 says,

"Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good."

Ephesians 4:29

"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear."

In closing might 2 Peter 3:18 be our prayer as sons and daughters of the Lord,

"But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen."

Give Me Christ Or Else, I Die

"Gracious Lord, incline Thine ear;
My request vouchsafe to hear;
Hear my never-ceasing cry;
Give me Christ, or else I die. 

Wealth and honor I disdain,
Earthly comforts, Lord, are vain;
These can never satisfy:
Give me Christ, or else I die. 

All unholy and unclean,
I am nothing but sin;
On thy mercy I rely;
Give me Christ, or else I die 

Thou dost freely save the lost;
In Thy grace alone I trust.
With my earnest suit comply;
Give me Christ, or else I die. 

All unholy and unclean,
I am nothing but sin;
On thy mercy I rely;
Give me Christ, or else I die 

Thou hast promised to forgive
All who in thy Son believe;
Lord, I know Thou cannot lie;
Give me Christ, or else I die 

All unholy and unclean,
I am nothing but sin;
On thy mercy I rely;
Give me Christ, or else I die"

This song seems to ring more clear and true than ever in my mind lately. So many things have been making headlines and Christians have been on attack now more than I can ever remember. I question what the future looks like for my children and realize if I only teach my children one thing it doesn't need to be educational it needs to be spiritual. My children need to know above all that Christ is the only thing that will save them and give them everlasting life. They need to be sure in their faith and strong in their convictions because this world is not calm, not forgiving, and not accepting of anything that goes in opposition of the flow of their agenda. I have a feeling that soon, if not already, going against the "norm" is going to cost us as believers a lot more than just raised eyebrows and the cold shoulder. Doesn't matter how it's justified, it is what the future may hold. I may not be able to change the wave of the future, but I can teach my children to stand up and stand firm in their beliefs and in Christ in the good times, in the bad times, and beyond. I don't want my children to have a watered down faith like many Americans do today, a faith that accepts social norms despite what the Word tells us. The Word does not promise easy, it does not promise us that we will fit in or be liked. It tells us, on several different accounts that we will be persecuted and that we will not be liked.

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness."

James 1:2-3

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is good and acceptable and perfect."

Romans 12:2

"Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you holy, you also be holy in your conduct, since it is written, "You shall be holy, for I am holy."

1 Peter 1:13-16

"Have nothing to do with irreverent, silly myths. Rather train yourself for godliness; for while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come."

1 Timothy 4:7-8

"Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever."

1 John 2:15-17

This is what the Word has to tell us, this is the truth for us as believers if we chose to stand firm and live life by HIS standards instead of ours.

Tired As A Mother

Y’all... I came up with the name for my new blog, I just knew the name would be so fitting for me and  my current season of life..Real talk, I’m that mom that’s struggling with the mom bod insecurities. You’ll see me rockin’ my LuLaRoe leggings, a T-shirt of some sort,and occasionally a long skirt. My hair is constantly thrown up in a bun of some sort because one, I’m in GA where the summers are hot and humidity out of this world, and two, I’m constantly around my darling 3 month old who spits up, poops, and pulls hair. So until further notice I’ve just embraced my destiny of being the hot mess momma (HMM for short). Adjusting to life with 3 small kids who depend on you for pretty much everything in life is exhausting. To be completely honest many times I feel like I’m drowning in diaper changes, preparing meals,snacks, drinks, AND breastfeeding, that by the time I get a second alone I’m just ready to go to sleep!!! But this isn’t a post to say poor me and whine about my circumstances!This post is about encouraging those who feel like I just described you!!! This post is about urging you to get connected in a church, Mom group, some type of “village” that can show you love and support and come along-side of you when you're in the thick of it all!

Right before we had our daughter we started attending a new church. I quickly found a group of amazing women who see past my hot mess momma persona, and seem to genuinely love me for who I am. These friends are the ones who walk the walk. They aren’t afraid to get down in the mess and help wherever they see a need! Just last week a friend came over and not only did she watch my kids so I could clean out a car to return to my in-laws, but she straightens up part of the house, and went outside and cleaned up some of the mess my kids had created! She did all of it with a smile and a willing heart. She sees that I’m struggling in all the day to day and instead of feeling sorry for me and just shrugging her shoulders she says “how can I tangibly help you with things.”

You guys this is what every tired mom needs! This is what the new moms need, I mean honestly anyone could benefit from it! At this point I’m probably rambling but long story short is it takes a village. So next time you see that tired momma whose looking like a hot mess (or just looking like me) come alongside her and see if you can help her. Let her know she’s not alone, and be there for her even when it’s just straight up Netflix and chill!